The tears came easily. It had been a horrible day. Tag Bridges had pulled her truck into the driveway of a small, red-roofed cottage on the edge of the village and parked in front of a double-wide garage. It was actually the last house or the first, depending on whether a person was entering or leaving Hawkshaw, a hamlet of just nine hundred people, six miles from the center of Manchester, and one of the most beautiful villages in the north of England. It sat back from the main road on almost a half-acre, surrounded by a low privet fence in front and a typical English hawthorn hedge marking the rest of the perimeter. Since it was May, the rose bushes and flowering shrubs which filled the front yard, all the handiwork of her partner, Lucy Holmstrom, were in full bloom. It was pretty, a place she treasured, a property which they had scraped and scrounged every penny to buy, renovate, and make comfortable. It was home.
She wondered how she had managed to get any work done. She’d hardly slept at all the previous night, dozed maybe for a while, but cried for hours. She’d been barely able to function at work. Yet she’d needed to have all of her wits about her, to be at the top of her game. These last stages of the government sponsored project were extremely detailed, complex, and needed her full attention. It was a relief to have the day behind her.
The project was located not far from their cottage, at the foot of the famous Pendle Hill near the sleepy town of Darwen with its beautiful Gothic minster. Still an untamed place, it was full of mystery and infamous as the home of the Pendle Witches who were tried and executed for witchcraft in 1612. In sharp contrast, the minster had been serving worshipers for over eight hundred years. It was only a twenty-minute drive to work, and so often throughout the day, she had considered just going home, climbing into bed, curling up into a ball, and shutting out the world.
Sitting there, almost afraid to go in, the entire experience of the previous evening replayed itself in slow motion, each painful detail causing more sobs and regrets.
They’d been together nine years, ever since their second year in college. There had been arguments, disagreements and threatened separations, but nothing like last night. That was different. And she was the one who had started it all. It was ironic that they’d landed the biggest and most significant contract of their careers as electrical installation specialists just a few months earlier. The project had made the headlines in the Manchester Evening News, the most important daily newspaper in the area. It even drew a small article in the business section of the London Times. Both BBC and ITV had interviewed them, describing the couple as “outstanding and creative women entrepreneurs, deserving of such a project.” They had struggled for such recognition. To be responsible for all electrical systems in a unique, huge, and important agricultural development, an international research project sponsored by the British government, was something they couldn’t even have dreamed of five years ago.
The Limousin Project, the brainchild of a local veterinarian, Dr. Connor Mason, involved the importing for the first time a variety of pigs called Black Bottoms, from the department of Auvergne in France, and crossing them with English Landrace. Its goal was to produce leaner meat and the best pork in the country, if not in Europe. The government was intent on penetrating the agricultural markets of the European Common Market, dominated by France and Germany. The Lancashire College of Agriculture, a most prestigious and internationally acclaimed research center, supported the project.
The eleven-month bidding process, included several interviews, a presentation with a carefully prepared project development plan, and an illustrated marketing manual. It had cost them countless late-night hours and most of their weekends. Saturn Electronics, a small but well-established woman owned business, despite stiff competition, was finally awarded the contract. Besides the actual installation of all electrical systems and futuristic-looking machinery, it included a provision for five years of maintenance. Advertised as the most avant-garde and technologically advanced center of its kind anywhere in the world, it was designed as an indoor project, but with sealed windows. Natural light and animal health were an integral part of the research. Besides a necessary temperature-controlled environment, a very advanced IBM computer program managed a central flow energy-efficient ventilation system, the number of artificial light hours, feeding schedules, slurry removal, automatic cough monitors, and weighing systems. There were three large buildings, one for each stage of development and research—gestating sows, piglets, and finishers and those being prepared for distribution. When at capacity, several hundred animals would be present on any given day. And Saturn Electronics was responsible for the smooth operation of all systems.
Tag had already installed and tested part of a double redundancy system; major failure in any one segment could have catastrophic results. With wiring almost completed, she had not been herself and felt distracted all day as she tested various sections and controls in between bouts of crying. This was the installation phase of the last building, and since it would not be used for almost a year, everything needed to be checked out. When the time came, it had to function perfectly and seamlessly with the rest of the system.
But now this. Had she ruined everything?
It had been love at first sight. They were the same age, studying for the same engineering degree at Manchester University. But in so many ways, they were radically different, a mixture of opposites.
Lucy Holmstrom was Swedish. Her parents owned and managed a vehicle electrical and engine repair shop on the outskirts of Malmo. Her mother was an elementary school teacher and her father a mechanic. Ever since an early age, he’d encouraged her fascination with his work. An only child, and a gifted student, both parents spoiled her. Tall for her age and quite pretty, she maintained an aloofness at school, and other than with one girl while they briefly played together on the basketball team, she never developed any special friendships. Having learned to drive a motorcycle at age twelve and a car at fourteen, she was happiest either riding alone or helping her father repair an engine. Her decision to go to college in Manchester, England, was based purely on the fact it had the reputation of offering the best electrical engineering degree in Europe. She was clear this was what she wanted to do for the rest of her life, although, unlike her father, she knew she didn’t want to get her hands dirty. She intended to design and develop electrical systems and machinery. And like all Swedes, she was completely bi-lingual, having learned English from kindergarten.
College was a revelation for her. Sharing a dorm with twelve other girls from five different countries made her realize what a sheltered and privileged life she’d enjoyed in Sweden. It seemed that she was the only one with wealthy parents and, at times, felt embarrassed hearing them openly discuss their financial struggles. Things came to an unexpected head one day as she was in the dining hall having lunch with another dorm mate, Tag Bridges. They’d only spoken to each other briefly, but Lucy knew they were studying for the same degree, having seen her in various classes. It was purely by chance they were sitting at the same table. While making small talk, Lucy began to vigorously shake a tomato ketchup bottle when the top flew off, and the contents shot out and over Tag’s dress. Lucy burst out laughing and apologized. Tag broke down in tears. “This is a new dress,” she cried. “You’ve ruined it, and I simply can’t afford another.” It was the beginning of a very special friendship.
Tag Bridges came from a family of nine children. Although baptized Agatha, as far back as she could remember, she’d always been called Tag. Her family lived in Marton, close to the famous Blackpool tower. Her father worked for the British Aircraft Corporation in Salmesbury, as an engineer, together with three of her brothers. Talk about aircraft, electrical components, and how computers were improving each year dominated conversation at mealtimes. With four older sisters, everything she wore was a hand-me-down, and although her father earned good money, it barely met the needs of a large and fast-growing family. As the youngest child, she spent most of her spare time with her twin brother. They were inseparable. A bright young man with gifted hands, he invited Tag to work with him as they built small and simple electronic games for himself and his friends in their garden shed. Extremely intelligent, there was no doubt she would be accepted into a college. The challenge for her was that she already knew what career she wanted to follow and was aiming for the stars by the time she was ready to graduate from high school. Her dream was to attend the most prestigious engineering college in the country, and it was in Manchester, almost forty miles away. And she was aware that only a select group of highly gifted students were accepted each year Fascinated with electronics, she hoped one day to earn a degree in technology and eventually open some kind of business.
Sometimes, luck, a stranger, or simply someone who cares can create an unforeseen opportunity that can change a life. Tag was busy in her final year applying for entry into Blackpool Technical College, not the school she wanted, but knowing her parents had limited financial resources, there was no point in looking elsewhere. Wherever she was accepted, she would have to live at home and attend as a day student. Behind the scenes, her technology teacher, Mr. Edwards, knowing her home situation and recognizing he was teaching an extraordinary and gifted student, was looking out for her. It was after class one day when he asked her to stay behind, that it happened.
“Tag,” he began, as he half stood, half sat on the edge of his desk looking straight at her. “I think you should apply to Manchester University. I know you really want to go there.”
“But….” She tried to cut him off, knowing it was pointless to say anything further. She had been over this a thousand times in her own mind and already reconciled herself to attending Blackpool Tech. He held up his hand as if to silence her.
“I know your home situation,” he continued, “so don’t be embarrassed. I’ve just received notification they’re offering two places to our school. They’re full scholarships, and I want you to apply. One requirement is that students write a special paper demonstrating their knowledge of the personal computer which is now entering the market and the ability to assemble electrical components. The final element is a practical demonstration in Manchester in front of a panel of judges.”
Tag gasped in disbelief. It sounded too much like a dream but was afraid to ask Mr. Edwards to repeat himself. Her head was spinning. If what she had heard was correct, she was confident about theory and the physical part didn’t intimidate her. She and her brother had been building electrical gadgets in their backyard for years. There was just no way she would let this golden ticket get away from her.
“I really don’t know what to say, sir,” she said nervously, her excited mind running at a mile a minute. “Thank you for helping me. I’ll not let you down.” She couldn’t wait to share the news with her parents.
But all that had seemed like eons ago and so much had happened since. As she sat reminiscing, memories flooded in. Yes, there was the incident in the dining hall with Lucy which had led her down a quite unusual but exciting path— it had started everything. That evening, a new dress had appeared on her bed with a note from Lucy inviting her out to dinner. She was shocked at the generosity and gesture from somebody she didn’t know and was a little unsure of what to expect. She decided to break the ice when they met by saying, “I’m happy to have dinner with you, Lucy, provided you don’t use the ketchup again.” It was a wonderful evening. Lucy shared that secretly she had wanted to be friends with Tag from the first moment she had seen her, felt attracted to her, and really wanted to be her friend.
Always a shy person and somewhat reserved, Tag was very much a loner at school and at home preferred to spend time with her twin brother. Her first days in college had felt strange, although living in a dorm with other girls was easier than she’d imagined. Determined to succeed academically, and not having much money for socializing, she focused on her studies, where she was already receiving excellent grades and encouraging comments from her teachers. Lucy’s openness and frankness surprised and shocked her, but also made her feel special. It opened a door within her which she didn’t know existed and began slowly to respond.
They started seeing each other every day until Lucy sensed she had stronger feelings for Tag than those felt as just friends. It happened naturally and simply while they were walking back from a session in the laboratory. They were holding hands. The quad as the main square was called, was practically devoid of students and Lucy stopped, turned towards her and said,
“Tag, I don’t think you’ll be surprised. I want you to know I love you.”
Quite spontaneously, Tag responded.
“And I love you too, Lucy. I’ve wanted to talk about us for some time. I’m nineteen years old and you’re twenty, yet neither of us has any attraction for boys, and that seems a bit weird since our classmates seem to talk of nothing else.”
“Then I guess we’re just a couple of lesbian weirdos,” laughed Lucy, sliding her arm through Tag’s, and drawing her close.
They spent vacations together, including two trips to Sweden, where Lucy’s parents being liberally minded, welcomed Tag with open arms. Even though Lucy had tried to prepare her, she was shocked yet delighted and a little embarrassed when, unashamedly, she announced in front of her mother they would be sharing the same bed, even though there was an extra visitor’s room. It was difficult for Tag to explain that her family would be less understanding and when they visited it would have to be simply as good friends. Her parents were regular churchgoers and had raised the family in a strict Methodist tradition.
In their final year, they found an apartment, paid for mainly by Lucy’s parents, and moved in together. After graduation they were fortunate to find work close by. Their common goal was to gain experience as engineers and save enough money so they could start their own business within five years.
In the period after World War II, Manchester, England was one of the foremost centers of computing expertise in the country. In 1948 Tom Kilburn and Freddie Williams designed, “Baby” or the Small-Scale Experimental Machine. The following year, they built the world’s first stored program computer, the Manchester Mark I. It eventually led to the development of Ferranti mark 1, the first commercially available general-purpose computer. The famous code-breaking expert, Alan Turing, who was appointed Deputy Director of the Computing Machine Laboratory in 1949, wrote the software for it.
Ever since the role it played in World War II, the electronics industry was experiencing a huge growth in and around Manchester. Since the explosion of advanced technologies in use for everyday life, the city had become the UK’s second largest tech. hub. And one of Europe’s most exciting technology ecosystems. Tag and Lucy wanted to be part of it. However, they couldn’t meet their goal of starting a business within five years. It took eight before Saturn Electronics was born. Tag was almost thirty years old and Lucy thirty-one.
They were both drawn to the open countryside, causing them to leave the city and rent a small cottage in the village of Hawksham. When the owners later wanted to sell, the couple was eager to buy it since it seemed the next logical step in their relationship. It was below market price, but needed a great deal of work. The problem was cash. Their new business was taking all of what they had, and they couldn’t see their way to scraping enough together for the down payment. Frustrated, and at the point of giving up on their dream home, Lucy, always fiercely independent, decided reluctantly to approach her parents. Unsurprisingly, they willingly supported the venture. By this time in the relationship, Tag had become another daughter.
Although slow at first, word spread that the two ladies were becoming experts in electrical design and installation and the business started to grow. The division of labor had fallen naturally between them. There was hardly any discussion, and certainly no arguments or disagreements. Lucy managed all the administration, sales, and marketing, Tag the system’s design and operations. And things had been going so well. They were making some money, had managed to purchase the cottage, were gradually turning it into a comfortable home, and were happy with each other.
Their only serious argument had occurred just over a year ago. After nine years of being together and believing their relationship was permanent, Tag felt it was safe to broach a special topic.
“Lucy,” she began, “I have been thinking about something for a long while and wonder how you might feel about it.”
They had almost finished dinner, and she had already decided she would wait until Lucy sat back and lit her habitual cigarette
“Well, for goodness’s sake, share it,” she answered somewhat irritably, taking a lighter from her purse. Her normally soft blue eyes caught in the flame as it suddenly ignited, looked somewhat harsh and tired. Her day had not gone according to plan, and she was frustrated in dealing with some government regulators.
“Maybe this is not the time,” she said, immediately sensing Lucy’s negative mood. “Perhaps I should keep it for another day.”
“No, don’t be silly. I’m just a little cranky. I’m sorry. It’s just me not handling myself very well. I hate having to deal with paper shufflers,” she added sarcastically, “who know nothing about actual construction.”
Tag hesitated. Setting her dirty plate aside she began drawing imaginary designs on the tablecloth with her finger, still not sure it was safe to bring up the topic.
“You know I come from a large family and am used to living in a house filled with laughter, noise, and lots of affection,” she began, “and so have been wondering if we might want to consider adopting a child at some time in the future.”
There was a long uncomfortable pause before Lucy replied. She took a strong pull of her cigarette. Her face changed to a scowl as her irritation quickly turned to anger that erupted like a smoking volcano.
“You must be shitting me,” she shouted, her voice rising an octave. “Is this what’s been on your mind? Is this what you have been brooding on like an impotent hen for the past God knows how long? To say I’m pissed is an understatement.”
After stomping out of the dining room, Lucy had withdrawn into herself and didn’t speak for almost two days. Never having had brothers or sisters, she felt completely blindsided by Tag’s suggestion, and interpreted it as Tag not being satisfied with her. Why else would she need a third person in the relationship, and failed to understand her rationale. They never fully resolved the issue, but after a mutual apology, they slowly resumed their daily rhythm and lifestyle. Both women buried their emotions alive, the issue was never resolved, referred to or raised again.
“It’s not as though I’ve been obsessed with the idea,” Tag said to herself one evening as she lay in bed alone, Lucy had traveled to London to take care of a business matter, “but for some reason, the thought just keeps coming into my head. I need to be totally honest with her and share my deep feelings, and hopefully it will be different this time. We have both changed. We are still very much in love. We are very successful businesswomen. We have been awarded this huge and nationally important contract. We own our home. We have money. We want for nothing. We could enrich our lives by bringing in another person, a child, somebody with whom we could share what we have.”
Tag waited until she thought the moment was right to broach the subject. It was after they both had spent an enjoyable time working in the garden. After a shower they settled down to enjoy a well-earned beer. The result was worse than before. It quickly escalated from an animated discussion to an angry response from Lucy and finally a screaming match.
“Please, can we have a calm, rational discussion on the subject?” Tag asked trying to tone down the conversation, realizing it was getting of control. “It’s important for me to talk about it. That’s all. I just don’t want an emotional over-reaction.”
“An over-reaction,” Lucy shrieked. “An emotional reaction. You must be out of your fucking mind. What did you really expect? There were fireworks the last time you brought it up, or have you conveniently forgotten. Is this what you fucking want? You just like to see me explode, go up in smoke, or are you just provoking me? Is this how you get your jollies now?”
Tag waited a moment before answering, hoping she would calm down a little.
“No,” she replied in a shocked but restrained and quiet voice, “I don’t want to see you in this state, in fact…”
But before she could finish, Lucy yelled,
“In this state, for fuck’s sake, Tag, have you no feelings for me, or perhaps this is now the real Tag Bridges coming out? You don’t give a shit about me.”
“I think that’s very unfair of you, Lucy,” she retorted, her voice sad and hurt. “After what we have been through, you know how I feel about you.”
But her words had little impact. Lucy stood up, rushed to the dresser, grabbed her car keys, and shrieked over her shoulder at the top of her voice as she headed for the door,
“I guess I’m not enough for you. So go and get your fucking baby if you must, but you won’t bring it home for me to nurse. I’m done with you.”
Tag stood transfixed, statue-like, as if struck by lightning, her eyes staring at the wall, listening to the sounds of a car speeding down the driveway. Nothing made any sense. What had happened? It should have been a perfectly natural, open and loving discussion. What did she say that was so disturbing? How had it gotten out of hand and so fast? She couldn’t remember how long she remained there. Her stomach was in knots. She felt physically sick. Lying in their bed that night, she felt lonely and couldn’t sleep, yet knew she had to get up early to go to work. It seemed like the tears wouldn’t stop. Lucy never returned. By the time she left for work in the morning, she had still not come home.
Sitting in her truck as the night closed in, she knew there was one thing above everything else. She loved Lucy, and desperately wanted to get their relationship back on track but didn’t know how. She didn’t even know where Lucy was. They were both strong-minded women and a little stubborn. She just wished she’d never raised the topic—if only she could turn the clock back as if nothing had happened. She wanted things to be the way they always were. She didn’t open the garage to put the truck away or to see if Lucy’s car was there. She was too afraid it would be missing.
As the tears continued streaming down her face, she realized she’d been sitting there for almost half an hour.
The motor was also still running.//
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Michael Barrington writes mainly historical novels: Let the Peacock Sing, The Ethiopian Affair, Becoming Anya, The Baron of Bengal Street, No Room for Heroes. Passage to Murder is a thriller set in San Francisco. Magic at Stonehenge is a short story collection. Take a Priest Like You is a memoir. He has published more than 60 short stories and also blogs on his website: www.mbwriter.net and on Amazon HERE.
About the Author
